4-15-97
Existence. . . . what a strange word. He set out by determination & curiosity, knows no existence, knows nothing relevant to himself. The petty declarations of others & everything
on this world, in this world, he knows the answers to. Yet they have no purpose to him. He
seeks knowledge of the unthinkable, of the undefineable, of the unknown. He explores the
everything5 ... using his mind, the most powerful tool known to him. Not a physical barrier
blocking the limits of exploration, time thru thought thru dimensions . . . the everything is
his realm. Yet, the more he thinks, hoping to find answers to his questions, the more come
up. Amazingly, the petty things mean much to him at this time, how he wants to be normal,
not this transceiver of the everything. Then occurring to him, the answer. How everything is
connected yet separate. By experiencing the petty others actions, reactions, emotions, doings,
and thoughts, he gets a mental picture of what, in his mind, is a cycle.
Existence is a great hall, life is one of the rooms, death is passing thru the doors, & the everexistent compulsion of everything is the curiosity to keep moving down the hall, thru the
doors, exploring rooms, down this never-ending hall. Questions make answers, answers
conceive questions, and at long last he is content. TTYL
5-21-97
Yo . . . whassup . . . heheheheh . . . know what’s weird? Everyone knows everyone. I swear —
like I’m an outcast, & everyone is conspiring against me ... Check it ... (this isn’t good, but
I need to write, so here. ...
Within the known limits of time . . . within the conceived boundaries of space . . . the average human thinks those are the settings of existence . . . yet the ponderer, the outcast, the
believer, helps out the human. “Think not of 2 dimensions,” says the ponderer, “but of 3,
as your world is conceived of 3 dimensions, so is mine. While you explore the immediate
physical boundaries of your body, you see in your 3 dimensions — L, W, & H, yet I, who is
more mentally open to anything, see my 3 dimensions. My realm of thought — Time, Space,
& THOUGHT. Thought is the most powerful thing that exists — anything conceivable can
be produced, anything & everything is possible, even in your physical world.” After this so
called “lecture” the common man feels confused, empty, & unaware. Yet those are the best
emotions of a ponderer. The real difference is, a true ponderer will explore these emotions
& what caused them.
Another ... a dream.
Miles & miles of never ending grass, like a wheat. A farm, sunshine, a happy feeling in the
presence, Absolutely nothing wrong, nothing ever is, contrary 180 [degrees] to normal life.
No awareness, just pure bliss, unexplainable bliss, The only challenges are no challenge, &
then.... BAM!!! realization sets in, the world is the greatest punishment. Life.
Hypnosis place — It is a sky — with one large cloud, & sort of a cloud-made chair — the sun is
at the head of the chair .. . 10 o’clock up into the sky .. . Below, I sometimes see mist, & the
green (forest green) earth — sorta a city, yet I hear nothing. I relax on this chair — actually
like a chaise — & I am talking . . . to what? I don’t know — it’s just there, I have the feeling
that I know him, even though I consciously don’t . . . & we talk like we are the same person
— like he’s my soul.. . .
The everlasting contrast....
Dark. Light. God. Lucifer. Heaven. Hell. GOOD. BAD. Yes, the ever-lasting contrast. Since
existence has known the ‘fight’ between good & evil has continued. Obviously, this fight
can never end. Good things turn bad, bad things become good, the ‘people’ on the earth
see it as a battle they can win. HA fuckin morons. If people looked at History, they would
see what happens. I think, too much, I understand, I am GOD compared to some of those
un-existable brainless zombies. Yet, the actions of them interest me, like a kid with a new
toy. Another contrast, more of a paradox, actually, like the advanced go for the undevelopeds
realm, while some of the morons become everything dwellers — but exceptions to every
rule, & this is a BIG exception — most morons never change, they never decide to live in the
‘everything’ frame of mind!
